I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I want is dick and wine.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
