guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
