Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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