If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
