Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
