dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
