girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
