Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
sex in a hospital.. check
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
