This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
