she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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