he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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