this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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