I'm going to jail i love you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
