Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
