You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize