The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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