I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
