the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
