i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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