So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
