there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
