hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
