Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
