Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
