he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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