turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
