I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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