Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
