I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
