So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
