I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
