Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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