Redeem this text for a blowjob
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
