Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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