Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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