can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
