So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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