DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
