Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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