Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
