Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
