How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
