I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My dick has a subreddit
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
