It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
