Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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