i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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