i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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