She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
