Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
