why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
