Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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