Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
