Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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