Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
