i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
this hospital has no fireball
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize