Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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