My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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