stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
