Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
