The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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