He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My vagina is officially offended.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
