I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize