so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
