3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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