some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
