so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You are a genius and a whore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize