I just saw a hot homeless man
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
