when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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