A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
