well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
