My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize