I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We have started to decorate penises.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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