eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
