I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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