i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize